It’s 04:15 in the morning. I brought our little one downstairs to continue sleeping on the couch, so my partner can rest a little bit more upstairs in bed.
There’s a vacuum that my life has become while the kids are small. The nights are broken, and there is little ‘me’ time, as much as people say one needs to create, and my only answer is “when?” And in fairness, I am also prioritising time with family. What others may choose differently, this phase with them is so precious, I don’t want to miss a thing (which is, I know, very Aerosmith of me 🥹)
So the other day, I finally got some time. An early morning to write, reflect, prepare some work for clients, breathe, stretch and just gather my thoughts. I mention this because I remember how sacred my mornings were/are and how different my schedule and energy have been over the past few years.
So my mindset now is to take this one day at a time. When I have the space, and that feeling hits, I just do the work. I do the writing, the reflecting. As we live in a time of AI, when people get things done fast with easy answers, I grab my notebook and pen and just start writing whatever comes to mind. Some of it makes sense; some of it doesn’t. Sometimes, while writing, I wonder what the hell is going on in my head. Other times, things settle and start to make a bit more sense once you put words to them.
My mornings were/are sacred, and I’ve realised how different my schedule and energy have been over the past few years. As an example, the very next morning, the kids didn’t get to bed till late, Mako woke up a dozen times from teething and needing soothing, and it felt like we all took ten steps back, feeling shattered.
But hey, that is parenthood, and that is life at this moment. Am I complaining? Not really, I couldn’t feel more grateful, yet I merely acknowledge a wish that my everyday would have some of these quieter focus hours. Yet what it feels more like is dealing with what is and being as much in a mode of presence and acceptance, despite that wish.
We can’t compare our lives to each other; we are all trying to find a way to make life work, but I can say that I never really understood what life with kids would mean until I became a parent myself, and now, with two, it feels like I’m playing this game of life on a different level. Someone took off god mode (a gaming reference, when you are impenetrable) and made me as vulnerable, ducking and diving at each step and living within the tightest of constraints.
My energy this past year has been tough to manage, and yet I’m grateful since it’s been the steepest learning curve I could ask for (just a little reframing there). And it’s not because of one single thing, but the combination of it all happening at once. Buying and moving houses, travelling with family, work projects and trips. It’s been a rollercoaster, and I’m grateful to those around me, friends and those I work with, who’ve shown understanding and compassion for my shifting, changing situation.
Getting one of these mornings again made me feel something I’d missed: a bit of time I didn’t know I would get back.
So back at it, writing, and reflecting and taking it one day at a time.
And one day, those one days will be over and you will have that part of your life back. Or at least I hope.
💛